SuperDerek: 2011

Saturday, June 25, 2011

I've found my new coffee table

I shall name her Ashley.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Ring shop: hour 6.2

What 6 hours and a journey through lovecraftian madness looks like.

Ring shop: hour 5.1

http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=Bs4zCx5T1XU

Ring shop: hour 5

Apples eat unicorn funny pi formula yes/no? Tuplets.

The VIPs continue their caliguan feast. When I went to drink water at the pond, I was horrified by the visage staring back at me. My strength, my dangerous eyes, my "bad boy who hurts inside and just needs the right woman to rehabilitate me" hair, all are gone. I am a tired wasted shell.

Ring shop: hour 4

The maternal VIP has found something.

Ring shop: hour 3.9

We have entered the land of never never. The VIPs flutter from one nugget to the next. Each bite is the most wonderful thing in the world, until they see the next item. Then suddenly it is ashes in their mouths.

Also, my mom is entertaining the idea of buying a new ring for herself as well. My father will be disappointed in me

Ring shop: hour 3.75

They have found new meat. This journey will never be over. Our last porter, chuck, has abandoned us, abandoned me. I do not blame him.

Ring shop: hour 3.5

Too tired for fancy journal entries. Energy low. Dying. I've picked my collar. Matte band with shiny edges. I don't know why the gold isn't yellow.

Ring shop: hour 3.00001

Never mind, I'm good. Mango shakes are delicious.

Ring shop: hour 3

Dear journal. I fear I have reached Te end of my strength though not the end of the journey. Despite finding the previous carcass pleasing to eat, the VIPs have insisted we leave to try our luck at other hunting grounds as well. My spirit is crushed, my will is exhausted. I understand now, I am in purgatory. I most assuredly died with the others during the vulture attack earlier and simply did not realize i now wander the wastelands, doomed to expunge my sins through the currency of blood and suffering.

Ring shop: hour 2.5

The VIPs continue to feast, buzzard-like from the belly of the carcass. The meat appears good as neither of them have perished. In a moment of "charity", they have insisted I take a bite. I am afraid of them so I agree.

Also, before I only had the muffin top on my waist to worry about. Now it turns out fatty Derek has friggin muffin tops on each side of his finger too. Super.

Ring shop: hour 2.2

From adversity comes possible success. While the porter and I were busy chasing down the VIPs, who were under the delusion they were both invisible and super fast, we stumbled
Across another carcass. Showing a strength which belies their small frames, they grasped the head of the carcass and without benefit of knife or machete, they ripped the head off.

Ring shop: hour 2

We have made emergency camp due to injury (I had to pee). The VIPs show unusual energy and vigor despite the trials so far. Our last remaining porter has pulled me aside and warned me that the VIPs may have stumbled upon thickets of charlie sheen berries earlier. We will have to keep a close eye on them until they slow down/regain feeling in their front teeth...

Ring shop: hour 2

Remnants of our party have regrouped at the carls jr. We are down to the two VIPs, one porter and myself. We are low on food, water, rifle shells and morale.

Ring shop: hour attack!!?:$:

Journal, I write this with shaking hands. As we continued our search, we were attacked. Upon entering an area of particularly promising sweet grass, an entire flock of vultures descended on us. We were overwhelmed and the party was scattered. Much to my shame, I fled for my life. I managed to capture one hasty photo of my charges, surrounded by more painted ladies of poor purchase than I have ever seen congregated together outside of my nightmares...